Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
