You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ugly people sure do ruin things
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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