just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn