I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off