I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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