I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
