I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
