haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
