I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
