I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could order shots online.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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