The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
