i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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