glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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