worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
