My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
