Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
