It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
