nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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