WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
