do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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