the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
