To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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