I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
