Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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