Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
