i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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