Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
