Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
