I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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