Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
