Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
