well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
