You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
