Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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