youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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