New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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