U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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