we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
