How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
