Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
