At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
