She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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