i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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