Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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