Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
