we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
