Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
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I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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