My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize