textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
