I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
