good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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