I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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