Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
