is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
