4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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