I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
