no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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