The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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