Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
