It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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