it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
