i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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