Texts From Last Night

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  (806): View more from Texas

  How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?

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  (806): How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her? http://tfl.nu/a3s8
  Replies (78) Good night (724) Bad night (7724)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

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  (415): I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea. http://tfl.nu/t4nr
  Replies (32) Good night (1123) Bad night (4259)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish

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  (920): in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish http://tfl.nu/24oc
  Replies (27) Good night (5528) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10841) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

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  (803): Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine. http://tfl.nu/e72g
  Replies (25) Good night (8609) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.

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  (904): SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER. http://tfl.nu/kfu8
  Replies (23) Good night (5427) Bad night (1585)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (4376) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

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  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1424) Bad night (4461)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

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  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (6377) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

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  (727): I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday http://tfl.nu/mihk
  Replies (3) Good night (2181) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.

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  (314): he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it. http://tfl.nu/ukah
  Replies (3) Good night (1536) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

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  (858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3
  Replies (9) Good night (1866) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.

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  (620): So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive. http://tfl.nu/y5fy
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (1938)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?

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  (301): Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke? http://tfl.nu/hphp
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.

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  (276): I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick. http://tfl.nu/hkt8
  Replies (6) Good night (204) Bad night (49)

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