I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major