i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
