just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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