A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
