I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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