just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
