Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize