I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
