I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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