but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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