so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
