I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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