He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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