Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
