he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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