i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
