I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
