i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
porn star boner night. come get it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i've created a new STD.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
