Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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