some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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