Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
