He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
